My mother is going to be so upset with this entry, I just know it. I can almost hear the phone ringing in the distance. At the risk of upsetting this wonderful woman, I just have to write this however.
Neil Diamond has some really whacked song lyrics! Ok, now don’t get me wrong. I love the guy. (If you grew up in my household as a kid you learned to appreciate Neil’s songs on many, many occasions. ) I mean really, the guy is incredibly talented. He’s got a ‘woo woo’ voice. He’s gorgeous, especially for his age. He’s got eyes that could melt even this die-hard lesbo. However…..his lyrics….really are quite whacked!
Kels and I were coming home tonight from watching a couple of hockey games at the in-laws. While watching the hockey games, Kel, Mom-in-law and I soaked our feet and did paraffin dips to the footsies and the hands while Pop-in-law pretended his hockey watching wasn’t being feminized while he lay on the couch. It was a good time, and my hands are oh so silky soft!
On the ride home, we started singing. We do this often, and I should add that it is without the radio. One of us will start singing a song, and then we’ll make up wacky goofy words to change the meaning altogether. It is actually quite entertaining and usually ends up with one of us spewing coffee or at the very least, snorting like a horse.
Out of the blue, I start singing some Neil Diamond. Not hard to do, as I think I have all of his records programmed in the depths of my grey matter. We weren’t changing the words on this one, but rather tested our memory for all of the lyrics. We got to the ‘fire’ verse and something went really wrong. Clearly we did not remember the lyrics, as what came out of our mouths was obnoxious and ridiculous. Oddly enough, the same thing came out of both our mouths at the same time….but we knew it wasn’t right. I can’t even tell you what came out as I can’t remember anymore, especially since I have now looked up the lyrics on line.
This song really makes me wonder!! I mean…“Money talks. But it don’t sing and dance and it can’t walk” Ok….ummm…..that’s good to know. I think. Yeah, I wasn’t sure if it did those things or not. And what relation does that verse have to the following ” As long as I can have you here with me. I’d much rather be forever in blue jeans.” What??!!
I mean, I have song along with this songs for years, and just never really thought about all of this. What the hell is he talking about?? And what is this business with being in jeans forever if you are here with Neil? Does this mean that if you couldn’t be here with Neil, he’d rather be in wool slacks? Cotton trousers? Does this mean Neil can’t wear blue jeans unless you are there with him??
“Honey is sweet. But it ain’t nothing next to baby’s treat. And if you’ll pardon me. I’d like to say we’d do ok forever in blue jeans.” Ummm…ok. Just what is this baby’s treat you like Neil? Oh my brain goes WILD on the possibilities with this one! And then he says WE’D do ok forever in blue jeans. So now this woman has to agree to be forever in blue jeans too, and give up the wool slack and cotton cargo pants? That’s asking a lot isn’t it?
Which brings me to my biggest question. There is talk of a fire, and Neil’s beating heart and this womans sighs. So it’s clearly meant to be a lovey come-on sexy song right? But hello? Just HOW sexy can one get while being in jeans FOREVER? Is this really a song about safe sex? Is this a song about abstinence from sex? It has to be, because how can you have sex while you are both in your blue jeans forever?! I mean really!
So that’s where my brain is. It’s late. I’m thinking goofy. And mom I am sorry. I’m not trying to rip apart Neil. He’s the best, and I know you love him. But good god mom, I hope for his sake this song never became a truth in his life. He’s a sexy dude and I’d hate to think he hasn’t had sex yet because of those damn jeans not coming off.
