Adjustments and blessings

June 26, 2008

Things are moving swiftly now on the ‘ol Immigration paperwork waiting game. I was BLESSED with an out of the blue offer from my mom and my dad to cover my remaining costs. This isn’t a small chunk of change folks, and so I am still in awe and total gratitude that they are giving this to me. I am to consider it as a late wedding gift, which blows my sails further in the wind. The fact that my StepUnit is behind this and supportive of it makes me think global warming is having a good effect on some people?? Too odd. StepUnit has always been out “shopping” every time I’ve called my dad since September of 2006. Gee, I have great timing don’t I? Hmmmm.

StepUnit has had ‘adjustment’ problems with the news of my getting married and hasn’t spoken to me since. She made things really hard for my dad for quite a few months and he and I didn’t speak. He wasn’t ‘allowed’ to. She was putting him yet again in the position of deciding between her and his own kid. Needless to say I wasn’t thrilled and I had had enough so I told him the same thing over Christmas of 2006. I told him I wasn’t playing the ‘pretend’ games any longer now that Kel is in my life, and if they can’t accept that then it’s a damn shame. If there are family functions or what not, I would not be attending without Kelly, so If they couldn’t accept the two of us than, well, that was it. I played the ‘pretend’ game with them since 1990 when I first came out and they chose not to talk to me for months. Family events I would show up alone, and no one would ask if I was dating anyone because then god forbid I might actually tell them I was dating someone and it was a woman. Can’t ignore the elephant in the living room if someone starts talking about it right?

Well, no more. I told my dad I was his daughter, and I missed him and loved him. I told himi how much it hurt to again be ignored and ‘looked down upon’ if you will since announcing my engagement. I told him I never expected him to jump for joy over his daughter marrying another woman, but I did wish he’d jump for joy that I was finally happy, and that I was happy with Kelly. He agreed actually, but told me to just be patient.

We continued to ‘sneak’ phone calls to each other, and eventually I would just call his house. Ironically, as I said earlier, I always managed to phone when StepUnit “just left to go shopping.”

Christmas of 2007 brought tears to my eyes as I started to see a glimmer of hope. Christmas gifts arrived and there were even gifts with Kel’s name on them that StepUnit had sent. Whoa! I didn’t care what was in them, it could have been a box of kleenex and I still would have been touched at the fact she took the time just to acknowledge Kelly.

So now out of the blue my dad calls my mom to discuss splitting the cost for the remainder of my immigration fees so we can get this ball going and get me back to work. I about fell off my chair when my mom told me, as there was NO way in HELL my dad would be able to do this without StepUnit being aware of it, so she had to be on board with the idea. SUCH A TRIP! The angels must have been working on this woman as she’s been sleeping, because this is such a 180 from where she’s been! Dang. Maybe my dad would be allowed now to fly somewhere halfway and meet me and Kelly for the weekend and StepUnit wouldn’t stand in the way?? I’d love it. I haven’t seen my dad since over 3 years ago now. And the thing of it all is that HE hasn’t really ever had an issue with me, Kelly, my sexuality. I mean yes, initially there is the shock when your kid comes out and you have to adjust and what have you, but I truly believe that my dad would welcome Kel with open arms if it wasn’t for StepUnit. Christmas of 2006 he actually “met” Kel on the phone and that had a great conversation! Oh that StepUnit. Well, we shall see!

So yes, I have a hefty bit of money coming my way to send into Immigration. While Kels and I have been stuffing away and saving, something always comes up that warrants dipping into the kitty and we never seem to raise the amount we need. It’s tough with one income, two adults and two dogs. Kel’s worked her butt off and I am telling ya, it’s driving me nuts not working and not contributing to the household money pots. I told her the other night that now hopefully I’ll be able to help bring home the bacon because she’s been out chasing those pigs alone for far too long!

I had to get new immigration photos taken this week as the ones I had were no longer valid as they are older than 6 months. Oh my god I look like a convict! I had my chest x-ray a few days ago, and this Saturday I go in for my Physical. Yikes! The doctor I am going to has a heavy Scottish accent, and yet the image that gets conjured up in my mind of what she looks like is Helga. I’m telling you, if she walks in and has horns on her head I’m running straight out of there and back to the states!! I am NOT looking forward to this exam, I will just say that. I have been poked, prodded, jolted, looked at, flipped over, felt and what have you many times in my life that the idea of going to the doctor and spreading my legs and all that really is NOT a big deal to me. But I’m telling you, for some reason, I have the jeebies about this appointment on Saturday. I am a wee bit nervous and truthfully I really don’t know why.

So all is going well. And yes, time heals…..or at least changes. It will be interesting to see if StepUnit is out shopping again when I call papa again at home. I talked to him today but phoned him instead at his office. I’m not holding my breath.

And yet again I am reminded of how damn lucky I am, and blessed. I was adopted at a young two weeks of age, and ended up with a man and woman that despite their inability to stay together they still show me how much they love me and are helping me out even though I didn’t ask. I am blessed.



  1. That’s great news, kid! Sure am sorry to hear about the way StepUnit has treated you and Kelly, tho’. I have a niece that is in the same boat as you and Kelly, so I understand a lot of what you are/have been going through. It’s a difficult thing. **hugs** to you both.

  2. I have a son and a daughter. I love them unconditionally. My daughter asked me once if it would have bothered me if she or her brother were gay. I told her that living and loving another person and making a relationship work is hard enough. I would be sad only because it would bring them additional problems. But I also told her that we don’t chose who to love. The heart knows no boundries. I am glad your step-Unit is coming around. I would say it doesn’t matter, but of course you want your dad happy too.

  3. so you must have been raised Catholic, with that kind of paranoia… I sure know the feeling! Maybe Step-Unit is changing a bit as she ages…

  4. wonderful news kiddo!! sounds like stepunit is getting her head outta her ass!! and its about time too!! (((((((HUGS))))))))

  5. Being on Kel’s end of the equation, and knowing how much stress not being able to work was causing Josh, I can really understand how happy you will be to be able to get back to work!

    And I am SO happy for you, that your parentals are helping you out like this! Here in the US, the basic paperwork is $3k, so I’m sure it’s similar there. And it isn’t easy to round up that much money on one income, that’s for sure! Just ask Lei!

    Blessing on the both of you, and I hope it isn’t a procto-exam!

  6. I just hope that if my kids are gay, that we’ll be in a much better place in this US of A by that time where it won’t matter whom they love. It really shouldn’t matter because what this world needs is more love.

    I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with such a rotten StepUnit, but I am thrilled to hear that your dad is now able to be a part of your and Kelly’s lives. I cannot even imagine asking a man to choose between me and his children. That is seriously a horrible thing to do.

  7. I must admit I am speechless. I never thought I would live to see the day.

  8. I’m glad your dad’s stepping up to the plate in spite of the StepUnit. You are such an extraordinary person and you absolutely deserve to be happy. *Hugs*

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