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A Moles Identity revealed

July 28, 2008

It is with a heavy heart that I write this entry, and I have mulled over in my mind countless different ways of writing this post since last evening when I realized that I have done something very wrong.  Despite tossing this in my mind for the past 24 hours I still don’t know best how to write this, but here goes.

There is so much crap gong on with this whole business of what really happened, who said what, who typed what, who is a mole, who has broken trusts, who lied and on and on and on and on.  The whole thing has been very disturbing.

The one thing that I held solace in however was the simple fact that thank goodness I wasn’t involved in any way.  Yet it was still difficult reading about how this has affected so many of you that I hold dear to my heart and have followed for months or even years.

That solace was removed last night for me however as I read an entry from another blogger who was hurt by the fact that there seemed to be a mole in the midst.  An awful feeling to have really, and I can certainly understand how one would be upset over that.

It was in reading that entry that I realized I have indeed played a part in this mess, and the only way I feel best to right in even a small way is to own up to it; if only to remove suspicion off of others that they may have been the mole, for lack of better words.

We all know Art made a private blog that he chose who could access it and who couldn’t.  Those of us who read it know what he said on it, so I do not need to repeat it here.  What he wrote in that entry, as well as some of the comments were left, was made visible to Rosie.  And now there is a whole lot of speculation as to how she got that information, and people are speculating as to who leaked this information to her.  Some have posted their speculations publicly, some in emails, and some probably just in their own minds without making their thoughts public.

If you want to call someone who did this a mole, a snitch, an insensitive wench, an asshole, an untrustworthy sot, or even an outright bitch, that is your right.  I’m only here to try and set at least a small part of the record straight.  I am that mole, snitch, insensitive wench, asshole, untrusting sot and outright bitch.

Yes.  Me.  I copied the rant that art did on his new blog and pasted it to a word document, and passed it on to Rosie.

It was wrong.  I did not think my actions through prior to doing what I did.  The only thing I will say is that NEVER EVER did I intend to hurt anyone, or cause any problems, and that my intentions were rooted in care and concern.

I am not going to write a list of reasons as to why I did what I did to defend myself, as really it doesn’t matter.  What I did was wrong, especially with including comments that some of you made thinking you were in a locked diary.

I am so terribly sorry for my actions, and for any hurt or discord that they have caused.  I really should have thought things out before doing so.   At the time my reasoning seemed pure and for good.  And PLEASE, don’t anyone leave a comment about the “path to hell was paved with good intentions” or I will seriously scream.  I did not, nor have I ever, given out passwords to locked diaries or done what I did on this occasion.  For what it’s worth I throw that out there.

I’m guessing from what I’ve read on some of your blogs last night that some of you may have been confronted by Rosie because of a comment you left on Arts blog, and I am so incredibly sorry.  I in no way meant to stir the pot.

To those of you that did get backlash because of this- I offer my deepest of apologies.  While I did have my reasons for doing that, and believed myself to be doing a good thing, I was wrong.  I should never have done this.  Art, I apologize to you for copying that entry you made and forwarding it to Rosie.  Again, it was wrong.  Those of you who commented, I apologize to you for including those comments on that cut and paste fiasco and sending it to Rosie.

Think of me what you will.  Call me what you want.  I’d rather have that than have others who are innocent of any wrongdoing be unjustly accused or even thought of inaccurately.  I had a hand in this shit and I’m just here to admit and offer my deepest regret.  If you choose to no longer read me, or trust me, I completely understand.  At least you will be not trusting the right person though, and that is I guess all that matters.

One big lesson I learned long ago is that we all screw up and make mistakes.  The important thing is to own up to them and suck up the consequences.  I guess that’s all I’m trying to do.   If that means people are pissed at me, disappointed, stop reading me, write nasty things about me, than so be it.  The truth is out there and at least it will be directed at the right person.

And, if because of this you no longer wish me to read your diaries, than please let me know and I will respect that wish by removing you from my google reader.  I certainly don’t want to continue to make anyone uncomfortable.

I don’t know what else to say, except I am truly very sorry.

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22 comments

  1. It takes a very big woman to admit when she’s wrong and to apologize for it in such a public forum. Personally I don’t think slinging more mud at you is going to get us anywhere; the whole thing has been so overblown for so long. I just wish it would all go away already.


  2. I truly appreciate your admission of guilt. Unfortunately a lot of the comments that were left in Poolie’s comments and in Rosie’s comments that were aimed toward me, and some of the emails that I received have left very deep scars. Everyone jumped to the conclusion that I was attacking Poolie and I wasn’t. I’m sure it will be a cold day in hell before I receive apologies from those people, and I guess it really isn’t important because people who would say those kinds of things are not worth my time and energy. Thanks again for the admission.


  3. And yes, I was confronted by Rosie for asking a simple question – asking that Art clarify a statement that he made in his blog. All totally out of line. Can you tell I’m quite bitter?


  4. Thanks for owning up to it, since I am paranoid enough to feel that the “mole” comment was aimed at me. And you are right, we all make mistakes… but now I hope this all just blows over! it’s done, and doesn’t need any rehashing!


  5. Your admission is greatly appreciated. I was really close to doing the same thing because what Art said was so hateful that I didn’t think he deserved the respect of keeping it private. It was definitely a ploy to influence friends and I found it to be very disgusting. I don’t care if any of it is true, it was an incredibly vile thing for him to do and for me, it was the last straw for my Art tolerance. I didn’t like it when he lambasted Weetabix after journalcon while back and didn’t like this even more. I choose my friends based on their actions. I’m that way. You, dear Shippie, have impressed me with your honesty. And seriously, I have a word document saved on my computer with the exact post pasted and ready to e-mail. I just slept on it before I did it and realized I shouldn’t do it. I feel bad that Lena feels hurt and I don’t think people meant to hurt her. This should help heel her, I hope.


  6. Besides, shippie.. if you didn’t do it, someone else would have sooner or later. Not saying it would have been Klo, but it would have been someone…..


  7. My dearest Shippie…..my sweet niece….and my joy. Thank you for your courage and your candor. You are indeed the warrior in this one. I sit here with tears in my eyes – applauding your bravery. Bless you.


  8. Think of me what you will??? Call me what you want??? I “think” you are wonderful. I “call you” my dear friend. I honestly don’t know anything about this guy, what he said, etc… (nor do I need to know), but I DO know a little about you. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you in person, and know that you, like your Aunt Poolie, are a sweet woman who loves, cares about, and respects her friends. I also know that your heart was in the right place when you sent what you did.
    I’m still in your corner Ms. Bucket.
    Big Hug to you.


  9. I don’t pretend to know everything that went down with regard to the situation between Art and Rosie, but I ultimately knew enough to recognize that it wasn’t pretty and wouldn’t be. I didn’t tell Rosie what Art said, nor tell Art what Rosie said. I think the bigger crime was that the situation happened in the first place. It shouldn’t ever have become a journal war, and whoever made it so is the one who’s truly guilty here. If you forwarded the content, it was because you felt Rosie had a right to know. I don’t think anyone should be assaulted for following their conscience.


  10. You know, I would have gone to the grave with this information, because I understood Shippie’s intent, and I greatly appreciated it. It was my fault to have read it, I should have listened to a very wise woman who said I shouldn’t, but dammit, I really don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to know what lies are being slung around about them behind their back. So I was wrong, and I have apologized to Lena for my actions, and I have asked her forgiveness.

    Shippie, you are the sweetest, and most loving person, and I stand in mute amazement at your unbelievable candor. It was NEVER my intention to include ANYONE else in this, and I have tried to protect my friends as best I could so this could all blow over. Hugs to you my brave and wonderful darling!


  11. I am SO proud of you for writing this!! That’s all I can say right not….you rock! {{hugs}}


  12. **right noW. geez


  13. Hi. Only a bystander in this unfortunate muck, but as every player but one has been a blog friend/3-D friend with lashings of wit, love and support I couldn’t believe any of the nasty things being slung around and have been hoping this mess would clear up soon. So thank you for helping my friends find some answers and some peace of mind. You are good stuff, Shippie. ~LA


  14. Wow! What a sincere and heartfelt apology and I have no idea what this is even in reference to. All I know is that Art sent out a mass email saying he was locking up his diary except for certain people and people with the same blog server that he had. Unfortunately, I have not been one of the chosen few to be allowed into his newest adventures, etc.

    I hope that all will be resolved and no one will shut you out. I know I won’t!!!

    ps– if *anyone* reading this comment can tell Art hello for me, i’d appreciate it. tell him also that i miss his funny blog entries. thanks.


  15. Shippie, I too, have managed to stay out of this and I am glad I did. I have a tendency to have a big mouth and for once I didn’t use it.

    I just want to say that your admission and the rest of the post took some serious balls. I hope this marks the end of all of this.

    I also want to say that when there is he-said, she-said, he did this and she did that going on, there will always be people that interject their opinions and someone will always get hurt. Sort of like passing an accident. You know it’s going to be horrible, but you just have to look.

    The good news is that once the accident is cleared, it is soon forgotten. I hope so in this case too. You are a sweetie and I wish you nothing but happiness and for this to end now.


  16. I haven’t read Art’s blog in a while and didn’t know he locked it up or whatever. I think it speaks more of you to own up to what you did for whatever intentions.


  17. BTW, none of this is gonna make me stop reading ya or make me ask you drop me as a friend. Friends for life.


  18. It’s always a quandary when you hear about somebody sniping at somebody behind their back. Should you tell, or try to stay out of it? Whichever you choose, you find out later you did wrong and the best you can do is apologize.


  19. I am just a bystander…actually I probably am standing by a mile away as I haven’t been reading any of these blogs for very long. I think that admitting you believe you made a serious mistake is a very brave and mature thing to do. You were only trying to help out a friend and it turned into an ugly situation. Hopefully, the good people will prevail and go on and the ones who did the nasty things and talked badly will back to their own lives and leave everyone else alone. Sad to think it turned out this way but there are reasons that some people can’t admit their mistakes and move on. You, obviously, do believe you did wrong and you have come right out and apologized publically. That speaks volumes for YOUR character. Good luck.


  20. Once again, you are my sweetest and favoritest niece on the whole world! And I would say that even if you weren’t my only niece. LOL! I am so glad people are taking all of this with the loving intent you showed. These comments are testimony to just how strong you really are. Now update more, dammit!


  21. Everyone makes mistakes – you are amazing for stepping up and accepting responsibility


  22. i don’t know you and i only barely know of the people in this unfortunate horrendous situation from reading someone else’s diary, but from where i sit, you were brave not once but thrice. first to stand up against what you felt was an injustice and then to admit you had done it and third to apologize to those hurt by the fallout.



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