Pest Control

November 29, 2008

I am SO a Goddess.  I am a Computer Genius.  I AM the I AM!

I’m no longer going insane.  I am no longer screaming four letter words on top of four letter words, freaking out the dogs and Kel.  I am no longer making threats that the end will be ensured by a quick drop off the 12th floor balcony.

Yes.  I took the plunge and fixed my laptop!  Oh my god you guys, I have been fighting with this damn thing for over a year.  The problem?  Not always present.  It was sporadic.  But when it would show it’s ugly control freaky face, I couldn’t handle it.  The damn mouse was POSSESSED on my lap top.

Truly.  It had a mind of it’s own and would just decide to fuck with me and various times.  That little computer rodent would just up and decide to FLY off my screen and hide out in the top right corner of my browser window, or the bottom left corner.  Try as I might to drag it out of it’s hiding spot, it would not budge.  It was as if it was attached to a rubber band.  I’d pull it out of the corner and it would catapult itself back into hiding.  Fookin rodent.

I can’t tell you how many times I came close to turning this Dell into a flying piece of plastic, wanting to airlift the thing throught the plate glass doors and over the balcony.  Grrrrrrrrrr.  And most recently?  Oh this damn puter rodent thought it wasn’t irritating me enough, so it decided to create even more havoc.  The past few days it would start opening up browser windows on it’s own!  It would minimize and mazimize my browser windows.  The left mouse button would no longer respond to the commands of my ever so frustrated finger tips.  Dammit!  I am the boss of this gadget, not that darn rodent!

So we got on the internet and looked up the symptoms, and supposedly the problem was in the Track Point mouse.  Yes, we all have TWO freaking rodents on our lap tops.  That little ball thingie that nestles itself in between the G, H and B keys?  Yeah.  That one.  I don’t even USE that freaking thing!  I only ever use the pad, or I have a wireless mouse that I plug in through my USB port.

So this damn thing that I don’t even use was the culprit.  Hmmm.  Poor whiny little self-absorbed rodent that is acting out because it’s not getting any attention?  Hmph!  Fooker, I say!  I wanted to scream and tell this little low self-esteemed rodent to just take a hike.  And you know what?  I DID!  I got my revenge and chopped that rodents legs right off!  It can’t move now.  It can’t take control.  It is DEAD.

Directions on the internet basically said that I needed to cut the cable that powers this thing.  Much like cutting off the rats tail.  I couldn’t wait.  I was drooling with excitement at having my revenge!

So.  I pulled out the hard drive.  I pulled of the face plate.  I pulled off the keyboard….and low and behold, there was the rats tail in plain view.  I smiled bigger than I ever have in my life as I took the scissors out and neared the lifeline to this rodent.

And then….SNIP!  OMG it felt so good!  Then I snipped off the other end of it.  Oh it was bliss.  I wish I had a bottle of champagne as I would toast the death of this obnoxious pain in the ass!

All the parts got put back into place, and everything was screwed back in nicely.  Power up…..wait….wait….wait….oh the anticipation!  Did it work?  Or is this rodent going to prove itself to be a cockroach and not die?

Ding Dong, the mouse is DEAD.

I couldn’t be happier.

And did I mention that I probably saved myself about $150 bucks?  To hire a professional exterminator would have most likely cost at least that, and I wouldn’t have the pleasure of knowing that rat died at my own hands.

Ding Dong the Mouse is Dead.  I am happy.  My sanity is back.  I am woman, hear me roar.  I am the Master Rodent Killer!

Aaaaahhhhhhhhh……let’s go surf!



  1. Yeah! All hail Shippie the Terminator! 😉

  2. oh, shippie!! im so proud of you, but a lil disapointed that you didnt tell me about your wayward mouse, as i would have told you to do the exact same dealie, and here you are, suffering for over a year!!! well, the mouse is dead!! long live the mouse!! wheeeeee!!

  3. Ding Dong, the mouse is Dead….. Go, girl, you rock!!!

  4. A-HEM! Did you discuss the demise of the mousie with the reigning Rat Queen? Then again, she doesn’t have much use for the minor members of her realm, so you may be OK!

  5. I am so proud of you! You will go down in infamy!

  6. Heh. Poolie said you’d “go down”. Heh. Love, R xxx

  7. Awwww. You killed Micky mouse! Waaaaaaaaa! Mean lady!

  8. Too funny! All hail Shippie the mouse killer!

  9. RAWRRR! You rule! ~LA

  10. [curtsies] All hail the great Mouse killer!

  11. ROFLMAO!! That was just what I needed at the end of a long,boring day!

  12. YAY SHIPPIE!! You are a computer goddess!!!

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