Scrooge does Santa

December 3, 2008

Well.  I’m not the most enthusiastic person when it comes to the holidays.  For reasons I won’t get into, I’ve wished the holidays would just pass me by for many years now.  I am a self-described Scrooge who is trying very hard to “get better” with the holidays especially now that I’m married.  When you’re single it’s a lot easier to make it as if it’s not a holiday.  It’s easier to pretend you’re all about the excitement because you don’t have to do it 24/7.  Sigh.   I AM trying though!

And to prove it, I have pictures.  Earlier this week we had our annual Christmas party for our dragon boating team.  Our team, along with the senior’s team that we developed a couple of years ago, partied it out at a local restaurant.  I was asked to don a Santa costume and show up at the party to spread cheer.  Gulp.  Ok.  I did it.  Here’s proof that Scrooge did Santa!

No, the tree isn't decorated yet...and OMG doesn't Santa look like a GIANT next to it??

No, the tree isn't decorated yet. Santa looks like a GIANT next to it!

He's competing with Santa!

He's competing with me!

Shippie's In-Laws!!

Shippie's Inlaws!!

Santa's job is done!  G'Night!

Santa's job is done! G'night!

It actually was quite a lot fun.  I mastered a fabulous Santa voice and got quite a few laughs.  To master the voice I just kept thinking of my brother’s normal voice and tried to emulate that.  Worked out well.  I do have a video of me being rather ‘naughty’ in some of my comments and interactions, but the sound quality is awful so I’m not bothering with a post of it.  Too bad though, as it was pretty funny.

So indeed I am making steps at being un-Scrooge like.  Little by little.  And yes, just for the record, that IS a strap-on I’m wearing!!  (I’m talking about the belly folks.  Get your mind out of the gutter!

With that, I leave you with a glimpse of what I woke up to several weeks ago.  Notice there are NO little kid footprints plastered all about.  It is so much prettier that way!  Of course this picture is no longer indicative of how things look now.  I’ll have to wait for another snow storm to have my pristine snow-scape back!




Pest Control

November 29, 2008

I am SO a Goddess.  I am a Computer Genius.  I AM the I AM!

I’m no longer going insane.  I am no longer screaming four letter words on top of four letter words, freaking out the dogs and Kel.  I am no longer making threats that the end will be ensured by a quick drop off the 12th floor balcony.

Yes.  I took the plunge and fixed my laptop!  Oh my god you guys, I have been fighting with this damn thing for over a year.  The problem?  Not always present.  It was sporadic.  But when it would show it’s ugly control freaky face, I couldn’t handle it.  The damn mouse was POSSESSED on my lap top.

Truly.  It had a mind of it’s own and would just decide to fuck with me and various times.  That little computer rodent would just up and decide to FLY off my screen and hide out in the top right corner of my browser window, or the bottom left corner.  Try as I might to drag it out of it’s hiding spot, it would not budge.  It was as if it was attached to a rubber band.  I’d pull it out of the corner and it would catapult itself back into hiding.  Fookin rodent.

I can’t tell you how many times I came close to turning this Dell into a flying piece of plastic, wanting to airlift the thing throught the plate glass doors and over the balcony.  Grrrrrrrrrr.  And most recently?  Oh this damn puter rodent thought it wasn’t irritating me enough, so it decided to create even more havoc.  The past few days it would start opening up browser windows on it’s own!  It would minimize and mazimize my browser windows.  The left mouse button would no longer respond to the commands of my ever so frustrated finger tips.  Dammit!  I am the boss of this gadget, not that darn rodent!

So we got on the internet and looked up the symptoms, and supposedly the problem was in the Track Point mouse.  Yes, we all have TWO freaking rodents on our lap tops.  That little ball thingie that nestles itself in between the G, H and B keys?  Yeah.  That one.  I don’t even USE that freaking thing!  I only ever use the pad, or I have a wireless mouse that I plug in through my USB port.

So this damn thing that I don’t even use was the culprit.  Hmmm.  Poor whiny little self-absorbed rodent that is acting out because it’s not getting any attention?  Hmph!  Fooker, I say!  I wanted to scream and tell this little low self-esteemed rodent to just take a hike.  And you know what?  I DID!  I got my revenge and chopped that rodents legs right off!  It can’t move now.  It can’t take control.  It is DEAD.

Directions on the internet basically said that I needed to cut the cable that powers this thing.  Much like cutting off the rats tail.  I couldn’t wait.  I was drooling with excitement at having my revenge!

So.  I pulled out the hard drive.  I pulled of the face plate.  I pulled off the keyboard….and low and behold, there was the rats tail in plain view.  I smiled bigger than I ever have in my life as I took the scissors out and neared the lifeline to this rodent.

And then….SNIP!  OMG it felt so good!  Then I snipped off the other end of it.  Oh it was bliss.  I wish I had a bottle of champagne as I would toast the death of this obnoxious pain in the ass!

All the parts got put back into place, and everything was screwed back in nicely.  Power up…..wait….wait….wait….oh the anticipation!  Did it work?  Or is this rodent going to prove itself to be a cockroach and not die?

Ding Dong, the mouse is DEAD.

I couldn’t be happier.

And did I mention that I probably saved myself about $150 bucks?  To hire a professional exterminator would have most likely cost at least that, and I wouldn’t have the pleasure of knowing that rat died at my own hands.

Ding Dong the Mouse is Dead.  I am happy.  My sanity is back.  I am woman, hear me roar.  I am the Master Rodent Killer!

Aaaaahhhhhhhhh……let’s go surf!


Stayin’ Alive!

November 24, 2008

Mom didn’t kill me.  I’m still here.

Closing bits from my phone conversation with Mom yesterday:

Shippie“So Mom?  Do you forgive me for my Neil Diamond entry?”

(exaggerated pause)

Mom: “No.”

Shippie: “Ok then!  Love you.”

Mom: “Love you too.  Bye.”

Shippie: “Bye”

Now, while she didn’t SAY I am written out of the will, I think it’s pretty clear that if I pull another ‘Let’s make fun of Neil baby” entry out of my hat, I will see nothing.

Those 1950’s Pyrex multi-colored mixing bowls,pyrexuseprimary1e1

……and the Pyrex casserole dishes from the same era…… pyrexcasserol1e

…will no doubt be given to my older brother if I’m not careful.  And trust me, I LOVE these bowls!  I can’t believe she still has them.  Tuna macaroni salad just never tastes the same as it did when it was made in the green mixing bowl!

So I promise Mom.  I will not make fun of your boyfriend ever again.  (Or at least not in writing so that you have proof of my insensitivity!)

Anyone watch the music awards last night?  I thought it was a great show!  So much great entertainment.  The good music made me somewhat forget Kenyae West’s stupid acceptance speech.  Dude, if you want to be anywhere in the same calibre of Elvis Presley you need to lose the attitude first.  Sheesh!  And I don’t even like Elvis, so for me to say that in a sense to defend Elvis is pretty amazing.  Personally, I was a lover of Buddy Holly instead.  And I will go to my grave saying HE was in all truth the actual “King of Rock and Roll.”  Had he not been killed so young, this would have been more apparent.  But do your homework and research folks.  Buddy Holly was kickin it up and pushing the envelope of acceptable music long before Elvis.  Ok, so Buddy didn’t groove his hips like Elvis, but he was a genius at making a piece of chewing gum look like a real tooth!  (Hey, that has as much relevance to making music as moving your hips does!)

I thought the show was great though, and I loved that Annie Lennox got the Merit award.  That woman is so incredible wit hall she’s done over the years.  And damn!  She can still sing goose bumps over me and move me to tears.  That performance was incredible!

Some of the awards I didn’t agree with, but what’s new.  Never works that I agree with every award given out.  Can’t imagine it does for anyone!  I’m just glad I was finally able to figure out how to set up the damn surround sound system so that we could blast the speakers during those performances!  Not sure if the neighbors cared for that, but tough titty.

Oh.  In case you haven’t seen it yet, you simply must go check out the puppies!!  My buddy  bluesleepy and I were chatting on line last night and she reminded me of them.  They are SO damn cute.  Be patient and check this live streaming video throughout the day and you will definitely have some giggles, chuckles, ooohs and aaawwwwws.  I promise!  Click HERE to watch the puppy cam!

And thanks to Im2Qt2kr who talked about THIS site because Boxx had talked about….I started to play around myself!  And I present to you…..

IPO IS NOW ON A BILLBOARD!!  Look for her near you!

IPO IS NOW ON A BILLBOARD!! Look for her near you!

And I don’t know how she did it, but



And lastly….and most importantly, PROOF!  Yes PROOF that….

No matter who I look at, Kel is the only woman I ever see!

No matter who I look at, Kel is the only woman I ever see!


Mom will kill me

November 23, 2008

My mother is going to be so upset with this entry, I just know it.  I can almost hear the phone ringing in the distance.  At the risk of upsetting this wonderful woman, I just have to write this however.

Neil Diamond has some really whacked song lyrics!  Ok, now don’t get me wrong.  I love the guy.  (If you grew up in my household as a kid you learned to appreciate Neil’s songs on many, many occasions. )  I mean really, the guy is incredibly talented.  He’s got a ‘woo woo’ voice.  He’s gorgeous, especially for his age.  He’s got eyes that could melt even this die-hard lesbo.  However…..his lyrics….really are quite whacked!

Kels and I were coming home tonight from watching a couple of hockey games at the in-laws.  While watching the hockey games, Kel, Mom-in-law and I soaked our feet and did paraffin dips to the footsies and the hands while Pop-in-law pretended his hockey watching wasn’t being feminized while he lay on the couch.  It was a good time, and my hands are oh so silky soft!

On the ride home, we started singing.  We do this often, and I should add that it is without the radio.  One of us will start singing a song, and then we’ll make up wacky goofy words to change the meaning altogether.  It is actually quite entertaining and usually ends up with one of us spewing coffee or at the very least, snorting like a horse.

Out of the blue, I start singing some Neil Diamond.  Not hard to do, as I think I have all of his records programmed in the depths of my grey matter.  We weren’t changing the words on this one, but rather tested our memory for all of the lyrics.    We got to the ‘fire’ verse and something went really wrong.  Clearly we did not remember the lyrics, as what came out of our mouths was obnoxious and ridiculous.  Oddly enough, the same thing came out of both our mouths at the same time….but we knew it wasn’t right.  I can’t even tell you what came out as I can’t remember anymore, especially since I have now looked up the lyrics on line.

This song really makes me wonder!!  I mean…Money talks.  But it don’t sing and dance and it can’t walk” Ok….ummm…..that’s good to know.  I think.  Yeah, I wasn’t sure if it did those things or not.  And what relation does that verse have to the following  ” As long as I can have you here with me.  I’d much rather be forever in blue jeans.” What??!!

I mean, I have song along with this songs for years, and just never really thought about all of this.  What the hell is he talking about??  And what is this business with being in jeans forever if you are here with Neil?  Does this mean that if you couldn’t be here with Neil, he’d rather be in wool slacks?  Cotton trousers?  Does this mean Neil can’t wear blue jeans unless you are there with him??

“Honey is sweet.  But it ain’t nothing next to baby’s treat.  And if you’ll pardon me.  I’d like to say we’d do ok forever in blue jeans.” Ummm…ok.  Just what is this baby’s treat you like Neil?  Oh my brain goes WILD on the possibilities with this one!  And then he says WE’D do ok forever in blue jeans.  So now this woman has to agree to be forever in blue jeans too, and give up the wool slack and cotton cargo pants?  That’s asking a lot isn’t it?

Which brings me to my biggest question.  There is talk of a fire, and Neil’s beating heart and this womans sighs.  So it’s clearly meant to be a lovey come-on sexy song right?  But hello?  Just HOW sexy can one get while being in jeans FOREVER?  Is this really a song about safe sex?  Is this a song about abstinence from sex?  It has to be, because how can you have sex while you are both in your blue jeans forever?!  I mean really!

So that’s where my brain is.  It’s late.  I’m thinking goofy.  And mom I am sorry.  I’m not trying to rip apart Neil.  He’s the best, and I know you love him.  But good god mom, I hope for his sake this song never became a truth in his life.  He’s a sexy dude and I’d hate to think he hasn’t had sex yet because of those damn jeans not coming off.



November 19, 2008

“Now I know why some species eat their young.” Adam Chandler, All My Children

Ahhhhh!  Now I know exactly what to say when a moronic boob does something stupid in front of me!  Oh I can’t wait!

And congrats to Blue Opal for being the only one who really seemed alarmed at the cat video I posted on the last entry.  Yes, not your every day cat!  I can only assume either all of you know all about these monster sized cats already, or you didn’t have time to watch the video to truly appreciate the size of it.  If it’s the latter, please revisit the last entry as they really are amazing!

I canceled my dental appointment today.  I just wasn’t in the mood for all of that again.  My last appointment I was supposed to have the root canal done on the second tooth, but they weren’t able to complete it.  Yet again, they couldn’t get me numb enough.  Those darn knarly nerves of mine just won’t lay down and die!  And you see, in order for all of us to realize this simple fact, I have to be put in pain first and damn near jump out of my seat.  I don’t like it.  Honestly, I’d rather have a knife go into my leg rather than that wee little nerve get poked with a sharp piece of metal.  It’s those little things that hurt so much more!

So I canceled.  I just wasn’t up to it.  Two more hours of ‘oh my god is that nerve numb or not’ just wasn’t appealing to me this morning.  I’ll call tomorrow and reschedule.  Lordy.  I have another tooth to go through this with once this fooker is completed.  Ugh.

We have snow on the ground, but I am very disappointed.  I’d heard a whopper storm was going to arrive, and we’d have non-stop snow starting today and ending sometime Friday night/Saturday morning.  All we’ve gotten is a light dusting, much like the dusting you’d find on a table of a coke house.  SIgh.  I want to see white, white, white!  I want mounds of it!

Of course that sets me up to be pissed at the little kids in the neighborhood.  I hate it so much when kids do what kids do and play in the snow.  I know what you’re thinking.  What a bitch, right?  Well, that’s me.

It’s not that I don’t think kids should play and have fun in the snow.  They should!  I do!  I just think certain areas should be off limits because all those footprints make for an ugly postcard picture.  Not that I want to take a picture for a postcard mind you, but I do like to look out my window and see clean, untainted, untromped on, undisturbed snow!  Just like after a killer snowstorm…it’s just so damn pretty!  That huge blanket of white covering everything makes me feel so, oh I don’t know, nostalgic?  The courtyard outside our balcony is huge and jam packed with trees and a few rolling hills.  It’s gorgeous just after a snow!

I want to see that ‘just snowed’ look every time I look out our windows or walk on to the balcony to have a smoke while freezing my ta-ta’s off.  I don’t want to look at a bunch of snow with sled marks and little footprints strewn about.  That’s all I want!!!  Maybe I’ll start throwing water balloons each time I see someone trying to have fun down there.  Gar!!

It was great when I was still living in Minnesota, as the house I lived at was in a relatively mature neighborhood.  There weren’t kids cutting through our lawn or making a mess out of it while standing at the bus stop.  I loved it!!  We let the dogs out the back patio door and they did all their frolicking back there, leaving my front lawn pristine and perfect.  Sigh.  Those were the days.

Perhaps I’m better off if it doesn’t snow after all.


A trip to the vet

November 18, 2008

I heard a wonderful quote today by Whoopi Goldberg.  ‘Tis a good one for all of those that have issue with gays being given the right to marry.

“If you’re uncomfortable with gay marriage, then don’t marry a gay person!”

Sweet and to the point.  My question to straight people who have issues with this is always simple.  “Why do YOU want to get married?  or What were your reasons for marrying your husband/wife?  The answers are sometimes varied, but bottom line it’s the same.  And you know?  It’s the same exact thing with us gay folk!

On to other stuff as I don’t feel like climbing up on the soap box today.  Just got back from the vet with Cleo the Clydesdale.  (Yes, sometimes when she prances about she looks like an 80 pound Clyde.  I think she was one in a former life.)  Cleo the Clydesdale had a bit of an owie the other day due to her dewclaw getting caught on something while romping around in the bush.  Poor thing.  Seeing a big pooch like her holding her front paw out in pain is just heartbreaking.

So today we brought her in to have the pro’s try and hold her down to clip all of her nails.  She is 80 pounds of whining, squirming power when her nails get clipped.  SO not an easy task!  I feel like I need to have a full set of football equipment, leather tie-down straps, and five people to accomplish this seemingly simple task.  It’s not worth it.  Pay the pro’s!

She was a good girl, and seems to be feeling much better.  She actually was getting much better yesterday, enough to still allow her to monkey her way up on to the bed with no pain.  She suckered Kelly with her whining to get up I guess, and unfortunately that makes me the bad guy when I come in later to crawl into bed as I have to kick her out.  There just is not enough room for the three of us up there to sleep through the night.  The only one who ends up being comfortable is Cleo!

Anyway. I sat patiently and quietly in the waiting room with Kel as we eavesdropped on this other customer give a play by play history of her dog, why she was going to the cottage today, why her husband was uncertain at adopting this ‘mature’ dog as her she’d given birth so many times in the puppy mill that her teets were very pronounced, and on and on.  I didn’t think that woman would ever leave.  Great that she rescued an adult dog from a puppy mill though, gotta love her for that.  But damn, I was afraid I was going to know the colour of her underwear by the time our visit was complete at the rate she was going!

I’m sitting there quietly, and notice something to the right of me.  Holy shit Batman!  This MONGO cat walked past me from the back exam room.  I mean MONGO!  Scared the crap out of me.  This cat easily weighed 20 pounds….easily!  Being that I’m allergic to cats this gives a green light of attraction for all cats to come my way.  This guy looked up at me with his little pea-sized, too small for his body, head.  Oh so cute.  Then he plodded his way to the chair immediately next to me and I’ll be dammed he was able to jump right up on it.  By the time he actually layed down on the chair, his body took up the ENTIRE seat of the chair.  He just spilled out if you will.  I have never seen a cat this huge before!

And then it hit me.  He is one of the two clinic cats.  He’s there all of the time, along with a little black-haired, teeny little fella that has partially paralyzed hind legs.  They are both rescue cats I guess and have been a part of my vet’s family for some time now.  Ahem.  Some time now.

A few months back WE got in TROUBLE as both Ipo and Cleo were overweight.  WE got in trouble!!  Cleo had been living with the in-laws for quite awhile and got way too spoiled, so we knew we had some work to do on her.  Ipo?  I just don’t get why she’s so chunky.  She’s only a pound or two overweight, but on a little dog that is a lot of weight.  We’ve had them both on diets since we moved into the new place, and Cleo has dropped her excess 11 or 12 pounds with a smile on her face.  Ipo’s food and biscuit intake was adjusted, but she just stays chunky!  She’s even been on the vet’s weight loss food diet.  I don’t get it.

Regardless.  The POINT is…..why are raking me over the coals about my dogs being beefy when YOU have a COW for a cat??!!!  HOLY!!  This cat SERIOUSLY needs to lose some weight!  Yes, it’s cute and he’s adorable, but his head does not match his body so I know he isn’t one of those Mancoon cats that are known to be huge.  Hey Mr. Vet Man!!  Take your own advice!!  Holy.

Speaking of cats.  Check out this video….you just must!  This is the cat Kelly wants us to get.  What do you think??

Hmmmmm…….I’d be afraid Ipo would be a snack to this guy!  They jump 7 feet!  No.  Kelly, I love you, but…but….but….


Slosh and trudge

November 15, 2008


4 weeks ago we god DUMPED on with a snowstorm that was just nasty.  Good 6 inches of the really heavy and wet stuff, and broken tree limbs were down everywhere making driving thru the city a headache.  But a few days later all had melted and all was fine.  Winter was teasing us and it wasn’t really here yet.

But MOTHER today!  It has looked like a damn blizzard all day today!  But ohhhhhh sooooo pretty!!  BIG and FLUFFY pretty snowflakes.

But damn, what a mess.  It’s that heavy wet snow again.  5 or 6 inches again.  The stuff was hurting as it hit my face while walking out of Canadian Tire.  We christened the snow brush.

All I can say…is thank goodness for underground parking this year.   No more shoveling.  Our car comes in to the parking garage packed in snow, but tomorrow morning it will all have melted away.  Sigh.  Joy joy.

Winter is officially here.  They are predicting that the snow is going to start again on Wednesday and not stop until Saturday morning.  So glad I’ve got new boots!  So sad for Ipo, as she hates her boots and refuses to wear them.  Her poor paws freeze oh so quickly.  Given she is such a princess already…..oh she hates the snow.

As for the painting project, it has come to a bit of a halt.  We got the right colour as it matched the swatch perfectly, but damn!  It looked so….rosey mauvey pinkey yuckey!  Ugh!   So we took them back and had them add some colour to remove some of the red tint….and we’re ready to go again.  We’ll see how tomorrow goes when I start painting again.

We’ll see how much I paint once I determine if I can get the Vikings on tv this week or not!